The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
