Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
