First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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