At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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