Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
These tits shall not be calmed
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
