Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
