soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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