well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
