I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
