I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
