I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
