Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
be right there i have to get my cape
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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