The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
