a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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