dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
