Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
