I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
3pm strippers are depressing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize