I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
