i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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