I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
