Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sober January is a disaster.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
