Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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