If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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