im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
