When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
