Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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