ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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