I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
