Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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