If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
