Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
