Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
