TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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