so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
