Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
