Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
