two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Actions speak louder than pants.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
