when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
