like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
