i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Less talking, more tequila
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
