Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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