If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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