Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
