You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
