there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
