But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
