Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
nutella sex= disaster
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
