I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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