are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize