Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
