I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
