And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
