I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
