Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
