This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize