Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I believe in your delicious
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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