dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
