Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
