Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
