Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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