she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
