lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
