so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
