living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
