i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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