i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
