I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
