first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
