Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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