My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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