god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
