i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
