My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
