he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sorry my hands just texted you
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
